thoughts on faith

Why is faith so hard?

There are two cliffs facing each other, a million miles apart, with an endlessly deep pit between them.  If you fell down this pit you would be falling forever.

One cliff, the one one the left, is the life without God.
The cliff on the right is the one with God.

They’re both lifestyles.  It’s just much easier to camp out on the left cliff.  Getting back over to the right requires an incredible leap, a leap of complete faith in something you can’t see.  “I believe God is real.”  And then continue from there.

The thing is, who has the strength and courage to make this jump?  Where does that strength come from?  Saying that this strength comes from God requires taking that leap just to believe in God so he can give you that strength…

Life on the left side is okay.  Sure, everything dies.  But so do you.  And while you’re alive, those things can make you happy.  And after that what’s the point?  What is the point of anything?  Enjoy life.  Help others.  Become a better person.  What’s the point?

Why is faith so hard?

trees

Ok, I need to take some time to talk about one of my favorite songs of all time: Trees by twenty one pilots.

 

Trees is a very personal and painful song to me because it deals with things I struggle with often.  Sometimes it feels like God is very distant.  I know he’s there, I know he’s real and he’s very near me, but I JUST CAN’T FEEL HIM.  I know he is near. I see his work in other people’s lives.   I see his work sometimes even in my own life.  But when I pray, when I try to talk to him, reach to him, it feels like he just doesn’t care about me or what I’m saying.  I want so badly to say hello, but how can I when I know God won’t answer, won’t care?  The fear and doubt builds and builds in an intense cycle until I can’t bear it anymore and I have to run to God, knowing he will take me in.

Keep reading to see my interpretation of this song.

Continue reading “trees”

things I’m grateful for

Discontent colors my life too often.  It leaves me weakened to depression and jealousy, both things I’ve struggled with heavily, this summer in particular.

Caroline (bless you) recommended making a list of things I’m grateful for.  I’ve done this before, and I can testify that it is one of the single greatest things we can do to combat any sort of depression, discontent, restlessness, loneliness — anything, really.  My journals have several of these lists in them.  Maybe these little things in life can encourage you too.

Continue reading “things I’m grateful for”

anxiety

Sometimes I have anxiety attacks.  I don’t have much time to go deeply into what I mean, but sometimes (more frequently lately) my thoughts begin to race, my heart beats faster, I can’t breathe deep enough, and everything goes a little blurry or sharp.  It’s a very strange and scary place to be. And if you feel the same way, I urge you to read this post I just found by Ashley Dun (a very sweet, poetic soul).  It’s so helpful.  And even if you don’t struggle with anxiety or panic attacks, read this article, because I bet one of your friends does.

Okay?

sometimes I wish

Sometimes I wish…

  • I had darker hair.
  • I had lighter hair.
  • I had a job that paid better.
  • I could sing better.
  • he would like me.
  • my ballet skills would improve.
  • I didn’t procrastinate so much.
  • I was older.
  • I was closer to God.
  • I hadn’t told others about certain things.
  • I could know about my future.
  • I had a better first post than just my discontent…