drowning

“Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.” — C. S. Lewis

look within yourself —
dig into your thoughts to find truth —
and you will find nothing. Only
an ocean, dark and cold, with nothing to cling to,
nothing to keep you from drowning in the deep water.
suffocating and overwhelming.
you gasp for air, but nothing you do
will save you. You can feel death calling you,
so close, so dark, so terrifying,
and all you can know now is
hatred. you would do anything to be anywhere else.
loneliness. you are alone in a wilderness.
despair. there is nothing more for you.
rage. you cannot do any better than this.
ruin. you are completely disgusting.
decay. you are worth nothing.
and the deeper you look, the more you know
utter terror.
there is nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing,
nothing that can help you.
You are going down.

but turn.
look to Christ
and live.
He stands waiting for you,
reaching out for you,
just wanting you to reach for him too.
In him there is no death, only life.
you gather up all the feeble strength you have
and move upward, out of yourself, into him,
but your strength is not enough.
you know you are dying.
He is too far off and you are too weak.
every muscle in your body screams
— and he answers.
the most beautiful hand you have ever seen
reaches down to take yours
and pull you to safety,
glorious safety.
the water flows around you
and you come up, dripping, to look
into the face of One who loves you
unconditionally.
dark water pours off you —
it doesn’t matter anymore —
you know what it is like to drown in light.

 

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