Today I spent a little time looking through the old blog of someone I look up to, and I was realizing how truly silly they were as a younger teenager. And when I look through old journals (I have many of them), I cringe at what I wrote about, what I thought was important, my handwriting, my writing skills. It makes me feel sick to realize how immature I’ve been in the past.
This is very discouraging.
What will I think in a few years when I look at this blog or at my current journal? I know that after some time I will look back at my 16-year-old self and CRINGE SO HARD. I know I’m immature, I know I think weird things are important, I know I don’t have my priorities straight, I know my writing style can definitely improve, I know that I in general can definitely improve. Ugh. I am terrified of the day when I see myself with fresh eyes.
Am I really all that deep and wise and mature? Probably not. I’m so sorry.
Can’t I just get to be 40 already? Before I do anything else stupid and ugly and unwise? Why do I even exist as a 16-year-old? So young and blind.
And just like that, I have created another post I will hate in a few years. I don’t deserve to create anything. When will I? Is it possible to ever create something you’ll never hate?