future me, please don’t hate me

Today I spent a little time looking through the old blog of someone I look up to, and I was realizing how truly silly they were as a younger teenager.  And when I look through old journals (I have many of them), I cringe at what I wrote about, what I thought was important, my handwriting, my writing skills.  It makes me feel sick to realize how immature I’ve been in the past.

This is very discouraging.

What will I think in a few years when I look at this blog or at my current journal?  I know that after some time I will look back at my 16-year-old self and CRINGE SO HARD.   I know I’m immature, I know I think weird things are important, I know I don’t have my priorities straight, I know my writing style can definitely improve, I know that I in general can definitely improve.  Ugh.  I am terrified of the day when I see myself with fresh eyes.

Am I really all that deep and wise and mature?  Probably not.  I’m so sorry.

Can’t I just get to be 40 already?  Before I do anything else stupid and ugly and unwise?  Why do I even exist as a 16-year-old?  So young and blind.

And just like that, I have created another post I will hate in a few years.  I don’t deserve to create anything.  When will I?  Is it possible to ever create something you’ll never hate?


5 Replies to “future me, please don’t hate me”

  1. You are growing and maturing so each year is not stupid or a waste of time. It is lessons being learned and maturity slowing taking place. Trust me as I embark on the big 40, I still do stupid, immature things in life. Hopefully, I recognize and learn from them.

    I love you just as you are and where you are!

    Aunt Kelly

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahh Aunt Kelly! Thank you 💕💕 This means a lot. I know we’ll never reach a point (until we get to heaven) when we can do things we’ll never regret. So encouraging to remember that I’m not the only one who struggles with this discouragement. Actually, it’s even encouraging to view this from the other end — how far we’ve come in the last few years! These days are not a waste. They are a process.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You absolutely deserve to create things. I’m much the same as you – looking back on older works of mine with disgust and cringing so hard my eyes water. But what has to be perfect? Is there any one piece of work, be it art, writing, music, etc. that is “perfect?”
    I promise I’m not trying to get super philosophical here, what I mean to say is that I don’t think we should create things and get our thoughts out for perfection’s sake. I think we create because it shows others (and ourselves) that we can. We could wrestle with our thoughts and let them tumble dry in our heads, or we can get them out, in whatever form we choose, and I think that’s worth something in itself. Regardless, this post helped me remember that, so thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely, Ryan! The very process of creating is what makes us better people. Everything we make and do, no matter how we feel about it in the future, is what matures us and helps us. And yes, there’s a huge element of catharsis to any creating we do, too! It’s definitely worth something to use what we think and feel! Perfection is not the goal of creation — we all know that, but it’s hard to remember. Perfection is never going to be the goal. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! This post was written in a moment of discouragement and weakness — it’s so good to remember the truth!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Don’t wish your life away. It will go too quick as it is. Embrace the things around you that you deem are important. Appreciate the people that you have around you. Even if you are immature. Is that a bad thing? I don’t think it is. As you get older, and you have responsibilities, a full-time job, mortgage, serious relationship you will not have time to be childish and as carefree as you can be now.
    Immature does not have to be the same as not being wise. Embrace that, it’s apart of who you are. When you need to be wise, that side will shine through too. 🙂
    What you are creating now is a lot of memories. Years from now you can look back and remember them as if they were yesterday. What you do now shapes who you will become. Just embrace the journey. 🙂
    Great post. ❤
    – Hannah

    Liked by 1 person

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